Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program
Late-night's prominent hosts used their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.
Colbert's Pointed Analysis
Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle about the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."
Colbert's target was the new program which allows foreign citizens to buy U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for $5 million. The program's website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."
"A brief thought for you to rich foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He noted that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.
"The most thorough screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."
"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.
